


Did you think we did not mean you?

by TheGrimRaptor



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Found Family, Love, M/M, No Beta, Written fast, i don’t think I even proofread this, post episode 97
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:42:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22938871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGrimRaptor/pseuds/TheGrimRaptor
Summary: Caleb could never quite explain his feelings for everyone in the mighty nine to himself. He finds that explaining them Essek helps him understand what he’s been trying to express to himself.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 6
Kudos: 203





	Did you think we did not mean you?

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this last night immediately after episode 97. I imagine this would take place a few more the later. I barely proofread this I just wanted to post it.

The Mighty Nine were enjoying a a simple, quiet, beach day. 

At the very least, Caleb and Essek were quietly discussing notes under a large magicked umbrella to keep the sun off them. Caduceus was asleep not far off. 

The rest of the Mighty Nine seemed to be having a screeching contest, yelling like excited children playing in the waves. Any on lookers might assume the two wizards cast a silencing spell as well, but they had just learned to ignore the chaos by this point. 

“Hey Essek, do you know how to swim,” yelled Jester, from in the ocean. 

“I suppose I do. I never swam in the ocean before,” he said, voice thoughtful. 

“You should really try it!”

“Perhaps, once the sun has set, Jester.”

“Oh yeah, oh sure, of course of course.”

At that exact moment, Caleb suddenly noticed the Beau looked way too pleased with herself. He followed where her eyes were staring and watched as Jester’s top untied and slipped away, except instead of being dragged out to sea, it seemed to float above the water and go towards the beach. 

Jester realized what had happened almost immediately. “VETH! Get back her you little shit!” Beau started cracking up with laughter. Fjord and Yasha both looked shocked for a second before trying to cover their eyes. 

Caleb chuckled and turned to Essek, who was staring at Jester, now topless and chasing an invisible Veth across the beach. Essek turned to Caleb and realized the other wizard was watching him watch the tiefling. He blushed deeply, his long ears dipping back in embarrassment. 

“Don’t tell me you are in love with her too, friend,” Caleb said with a chuckle. “Though I am not surprised. She has that effect on people.”

“I… I’m not… who is in love with her,” Essek asked, with a blush. 

“All of us, I think. Maybe not Cad. But I believe the rest of us are mad for her.” 

Jester was shooting Sacred Flame in Veth’s general direction. 

“Fjord, perhaps you should take off your shirt so the lady feels less alone,” Caleb called. 

“Oh damn, good call Caleb,” Beau called back, ripping her own top off. Fjord sighed loudly and Yasha turned an even brighter red. Caleb shook his head. 

“What about you,” Essek asked, watching the scene unfold. 

“What about me,” asked Caleb. 

“Are you in love with her?” 

“Yes,” Caleb said honestly. “Quite in love with her.”

“Does she know that,” Essek asked. 

“I hope not.” They were quiet, their conversation not returning to the spell they had been working on. Jester had collapsed on the sand, Beau on one side and Veth on the other, all giggling. 

“If I may,” Essek began, “I thought you and Veth… I know she is married but far be it from us to judge you.”

“I love her too. I… it’s interesting isn’t it? There was a girl, years ago. I was so blinded by my love for her, that I ignored everyone else around me. There was another I think I may had loved as well, but I was so sure of my love for her, I would not, maybe could not, acknowledge my love for him, though in hindsight it is painfully obvious. And now… well there are a few people who I am certain that I love. And I find my love for Veth does not diminish my love for Jester or vise versa.”

“You had to learn to love yourself first, or something,” Essek said jokingly. Caleb shook his head. 

“No. It was the opposite. I sat one night, with this sleeping goblin cradled in my arms, snoring away, a stolen bauble cradled in hers, and I thought ‘I love this little broken creature so much.’ And then, overtime, I came to love the rest of them. But I always thought ‘I love them, but I’m far too broken for them to love me too.’ Until I realized, that’s what every one of them was thinking. And it was a revelation, because if Beauregard Lionette, who seems to care for no one, loves me… well perhaps then it’s okay to like myself at least. If she can love a total piece of shit, why can’t I?” 

“You’re not a pice if shit, Caleb.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Then what is,” Essek asked. 

“If I can love them in spite of their flaws, perhaps there is hope they can do the same for me.” 

Essek sat in silence. Caleb could tell by his face he was deep in thought. It was the same face he made when he was about to crack a piece of spell or make some arcane discovery. The girls had quieted down, with all of them, laying with their stomachs on the sand, heads together, whispering, except Yasha who had joined Fjord in the water. 

“What if I am far more flawed,” Essek asked. Caleb looked at him surprised. 

“Essek,” he said, surprised. “You’ve been traveling with the Mighty Nine for months now. It’s far too late for that. We love you already.” Essek looked up, confused. “Do you really think every time Beau or Jester says, ‘love you guys,’ it meant everyone except you?”

“Yes,” Essek said, as if it were obvious. Caleb blushed. 

“Alright. That’s fair. I always think that too, for a moment. We wouldn’t say it if we didn’t mean it.”

“But… I’ve done things that don’t deserve forgiveness. That don’t deserve love.”

“I know you have. I have as well. I think we’ve done some of those together.” Caleb put a hand on Essek’s arm. “Essek, you know I’m very much in love with you, right?” 

The pure fear on his face was enough evidence that he had not considered that was at all a possibility. He jerked in his chair, floating slightly for a second. 

“I need to get out of this sun,” he said quickly and began packing up his notes. Caleb nodded. 

“The sun is proving to much for our delicate constitutions,” Caleb said to the others. “We will retire for now. See you back at the inn.”

“Okay, bye,” Beau said dismissively. 

“Love you, make good decisions,” Jester said. 

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Veth said. 

“What wouldn’t you do, Veth,” Jester asked. 

“Yeah,” Beau agreed. “That’s not a very long list.”

“Oh yeah, well—”

Their voices got lost as Caleb hurried to follow Essek. 

“Essek, your disguise. Wait up,” Caleb called. Essek quickly cut into a small building at the edge of the beach front, meant for changing and rinsing off. 

“Caleb,” he said softly. 

“I take it you did not know, then?” He shook his head. 

“The things I’ve done…”

“I know.”

“I… would not even feel remorse if it were not for you.”

“I know.”

“You don’t understand! I only felt remorse because it effected you! Thousands died, I don’t not feel anything for them.”

“Nor do I,” Caleb said. 

“I don’t even wish I could take it back,” he said angrily. 

“Then you would never have met us,” Caleb said. He stepped closer to Essek. “The things I want to change, want to fix… wanted to anyway. I’ve long since decided I will not go and undo what I’ve done. If I do, I become one of Ikathon’s lackeys. Is it worth it to save my parents? Yes. But will I do it? No. Because it means losing the Nine. And I am too selfish to lose you.” 

Essek leaned over and kissed Caleb on the lips. “You’re wrong, you know. You are good people.”

“Good people don’t have to remind themselves to leave each place better than they found every single day. We aren’t good people.” Caleb kissed Essek. He always expects Essek to be a little taller, because of the floating. But right now his feet were planted firmly on the ground. “Gods, Essek. Do you not realize how truly you are one of us?” He pressed their foreheads together. “Come on. Let’s get you out of the sun.”


End file.
